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If you're here, you're probably feeling a little bit stressed. Maybe you feel like Everyone is expecting you to do Everything — Right. Now. Or that you've tried to balance ALL. THE. THINGS. you should be doing… and you feel like you're failing. Whatever the cause, you have to find the ROOTS of your stress before you can figure out how to overcome it.
Please hear me, friend: You don't have to have your entire life together all of the time. Let's face it, life can be busy, hectic, and a little (okay, a LOT) crazy! Any number of things can throw you off-course. It is totally normal to feel like you're falling behind on… well… everything.
So let's unpack the roots of WHY we feel stressed in our daily lives… and what to do about it.
1. You might be feeling Internal Pressure:
Almost every day last week, I woke up feeling SO. STRESSED. I would get out of bed trying to figure out how to make it "all" work, feeling like I wasn't getting enough done, and like I was failing before I even started! It wasn't until after I had a good cry on Sunday night, and then Alex asked me "what a successful day was?" that I realized my internal standards were just WAY too high.
If you're feeling pressure from within to do ALL THE THINGS, then it's time to grab your journal, girl! Write down what you're feeling, and then ask yourself "Why?". Write down an answer. Ask "Why?" again. Keep going until you get to the truth (you'll know it when you find it!). It's a mindset game, and you have to find the root cause before you start to fight it.
Now you can start to FIGHT THAT LIE. (Need some help with that? Listen to episode 22!)
2. You might be feeling External Pressure.
This is when you've got ten-million expectations from a bunch of other people. So-and-so just asked you to do something, then your significant other needs you to go here, and you still need to take care of that giant to-do list written in your planner.
If you are a recovering people-pleaser (like me!), I get it: it is REALLY HARD to say no. You want to make everyone happy! But instead of saying no or setting up boundaries, you've said "yes" for so long now that you don't know where to stop! (BTW: if you want to dig deeper into finding your "no", join me for my free "How to Say No" workshop!)
3. You might be feeling Imaginary External Pressure.
Okay, stay with me here, because I think this might be the most important point of all. You might be taking on imaginary pressure from someone or something in your life — and internalizing it. Let me explain with a real-life example: Alex and I both appreciate having a tidy home. At the same time; organization isn't my strong suit. As a result, whenever the house feels chaotic, my brain goes back to our goal of tidiness, and blows it WAAAaaay out of proportion. BAM! I am stressed out about NOT having a museum-quality house and feel like a total failure.
Instead of doing what I can with the time I have, I've created (and internalized!) a ridiculously high standard that we've never set! Do you see what I'm getting at here? Our family's tidiness standards aren't the problem: My OWN MINDSET IS. (Scroll back to see #1 above!)
This imaginary external pressure can show up in SO many different ways in our lives. One of the most common I've seen (and felt!) is when someone asks you to do something… and you're worried about making them mad if you say no. Here's the thing: You can't predict their response! You're creating pressure from an imaginary stress that may never happen! You won't know if they'll be mad until you give them an answer (and if they DO get mad… it might be time for some boundaries. Or some new friends. 😆)
Again: this is a MINDSET issue. You have to get back to the root of the problem and start to fight it from there. Journaling (like the method I mentioned in #1) can help you find focus. If the pressure you're feeling is coming from a decision you need to make, then it's time to dig in and MAKE THE DECISION. Work on getting your mindset right FIRST, look at the truth of the issue, and move forward from there.
So… to sum it all up:
Stop trying to have it all together… It's not your job. If your days are full of guilt, then you're going to have a TON of regrets at the end of your life. Finally, give yourself a break from the pressure and start living on purpose.
For me, living on purpose is about enjoying every single moment I've got, and doing life to the best of my ability. What does it look like for you?
Do you want to learn how to set better boundaries and let go of the pressure?