How I lost my Confidence.
A few days ago, I went shopping for some new jean shorts.
This is GREAT news, because I’ve lost enough weight to “in-grow” my old pair. (In-grow is my favorite term for loose-fitting clothes after losing weight! 😆) Whoop, WHOOP!!! As I attempted to pick out the perfect pair, it became REALLY clear that Target was bought out of ALL normal sizes. 🙄
I walked into the store feeling super cute. I loved my outfit, loved how healthy and strong I felt, and was feeling SUPER proud of how far I’ve come. BUT: There wasn’t a single pair in the (new!) size I thought I might be. I tested out a size up and a size down… both were a solid NOPE.
I walked out of the dressing room feeling fluffy, fat, and ugly. Funny how that works, isn’t it? 😕
We lose confidence SO easily.
There are so many things that can make us lose confidence. The way someone looks at us (or doesn’t look at us). The rude comment from a troll on Facebook. The off-hand way someone says something.
It’s not just about our LOOKS.
We can also lose confidence in our ability to make good choices. To live a “good” life. To know what to do or where to go next. I've learned (the hard way) just how much a confidence in WHO we are matters.
There are a few things that can mess up our confidence:
I’ve also learned that it’s super SIMPLE to stop doing those things. (Note: I said it was simple, NOT EASY.) We can choose to not allow those things to have space in our lives. So let's dig into the issues I've seen in my own life with losing confidence.
Confidence Problem #1:
It is SO. FREAKING. EASY. to want to make everyone happy. If you’re not in this crowd… I applaud you! (Teach me your ways.) I AM getting better with this one — but I still struggle with it. I still fight it the urge to say yes just to keep the peace. I still have to work REALLY hard to not try to make everyone happy.
It seems like everybody has an opinion on EVERYTHING these days, and if you’re not doing life their way… you’re doing it wrong. And, if you’re a people-pleaser like me… you are probably constantly CONSTANTLY stacking your life up in a way that appeals to everyone (except you!).
To your friends, that stranger on social media, your own mother (seriously, how DID my Mom do it all?!?!?!!!) ...
In this age of ultra-connectivity, it is SO easy to compare our lives with the “perfect” people we see on social media! It's ingrained in us to look at someone else and wonder why they have it all together... and how we're failing.
Please hear me: NO ONE’S LIFE IS PERFECT. If it was, we’d be in heaven, and yours would be perfect too. But we’re not. We’re in an imperfect world, making imperfect choices to the best of our imperfect abilities.
So… how do we stop comparing?
Umm… JUST STOP. It’s a mindset game. You have to stop every thought that pops into your mind. You have to refuse to play the game.
Last? (And probably the most important!)
We Forget WHO WE ARE.
Wanna know what I was thinking in that dressing room, looking at the dimpled cellulite in my backside while squeezing into a too-small pair of shorts?
“You’re not doing enough. It’s not working. You’re a failure.”
Discouraged and frustrated (and a bit sad), I got ready to leave. I picked up my phone, and saw this:
That’s my life word. I have it set as my lock screen on my phone, so every time I pick it up I’m reminded of who I am. It reminds me that no matter what I’ve been through, no matter how many times I fail, and fall, and don’t get it right… I get up and try again. And again. And again…
I walked around the store and started having a talk with myself. I've done HARD THINGS. My body is STRONG! God didn't make a mistake when He made me.
Then I rounded the corner and saw this shirt. It just HAD to come home with me. I will keep showing up for my workouts so I can be healthy (not skinny!). I will show up for the things I’m called to no matter how many times I fall. No matter how many times I fail.
God made me PERSISTENT. (ahem: STUBBORN 😆)
Girl, you are NOT a mistake. You have been created for amazing, special things, and you are MORE than enough. And if you want to learn more about WHO you are, and who you've been made to be... then come join my free mini-course, 4 Steps to You! It will help you remember WHO you are, give your your confidence a boost... and you'll get a free (custom) lock-screen, too!!! 😍
So... you wanna know what happened as I walked out of the doors of Target? I remembered that God made me persistent (*cough cough* STUBBORN), and looked in a mirror as I walked out in my stretchy yoga pants. I thought my butt looked kinda cute. 😆
I also felt a mix of happiness with a little bit of sad. Because... I had my baby girl clinging to my hand, and I don't want her to ever feel like she's not enough. Not skinny enough, not smart enough. I don’t want her to have to fight comparison and people-pleasing.
And I really, REALLY don't ever want to see her lose her confidence.
It starts with us, friend. We can change this conversation. We can change the way the next generation sees themselves. But it starts with US. We have to change the way we see ourselves — before we help others. ❤️